I believe that people at work should be kind to each other. And when they are not, it creates tension for me. Because they should be kind. But we know not everybody is.
I believe that people should turn up on time to meetings or functions. And when they don’t it creates tension for me. Because people should be on time. But they are not always.
What if my beliefs cause me just as much tension as the situation? The situation is true right?! People are not always kind. People are late. This is reality. It doesn’t mean we don’t address it or talk to people about it. But creating a belief that something should be one way or another creates a new layer of anxiousness. And one that often doesn’t serve us. We become lost in the ‘should’ and then pursue or stew on it with frustration or do nothing at all and stay stressed.
We spend so much time creating resistance when something is true. It is true. Let it be. And then work out the best next steps.
Some of our ‘shoulds’ can be a subtle as;We shouldn’t have to stand in a line.
My friends should contact me more often.
My kids should pick up their clothes.
If you fell down a set of stairs you’d be in pain right? Why add to it by thinking, I shouldn’t have done that. Just go to the chiro, hospital or get a band aid. Punishing yourself with what you should or should not have done will not help.
Living in your ‘shoulds’ adds an unnecessary level of pain.
Katie Byron, author of ‘Loving What Is’ says that the stress we create, in ourselves, is how we think about things. Not the actual issues themselves. I invite you to think about what other ‘shoulds’ you live in and see whether they are helping your stress levels or hindering.
