Ok, confession time…
When you give positive constructive feedback, is there an element of hoping that others will return the favour? Especially the positive stuff. Come on. Be honest.
I gotta tell you. It can creep into my conscious or sub conscious.
As a Mum, why am I the one that always affirms my kids yet they give me nada? Yep I’ve got teenagers.
As a leader, why am I always making the effort to look for the good in others, and help them feel seen, yet they don’t do it as much as me? So in both of these circumstances a little piece of resentment has crept in. When resentment is allowed to stay, it brings with it, its’ cousin; frustration. Then pretty soon annoyance and the offense cousins also make themselves feel at home. There is often a family of unhealthy feelings. They rarely travel alone.
The old adage; ‘You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours’ is not driven from a pure motive.
So here’s the news. We are now learning, through some great studies, that when we do things out of good old fashioned generosity, where our intention is just to give without expectation, we reap the benefit more than them.
Let me say that again. We reap the benefit MORE than them.
It’s actually a mental health principle. When we Get our Positive On! without expectation and just to be authentically generous it reduces stress, naturally fights depression and is also shown to increase people’s life span. Because we are focusing on others in our community. We are wired to connect. When we don’t, we make life much harder for ourselves. When we do, we are doing what we are called to do; Be in healthy relationship with others.
The ‘do unto others what you would like them to do to you’ and ‘be the change you seek’ words of wisdom ring true when our intention is in a good place.
As Tony Robbins says; ‘The secret to living is giving’. I reckon he’s right.