I deal with a lot of conflict. And yes, even some I create myself.
The thing about conflict is that it’s not all bad. Healthy conflict brings all conversations to the surface. It pushes new ideas and thinking and creates new and often better strategies and relationships. I like high performance expert Margaret Heffernan’s perspective. She says:
Conflict is good.
Combat is not.
It’s when our need to win the idea, the solution or the conversation that conflict becomes problematic. But I would take it one step further and suggest that;
Nice goes nowhere.
When we say nothing at all and don’t use our voice, nothing changes. Us or them.
The thing about conflict is that it’s about how we respond that matters. Not the conflict itself. If we respond by revving up or shutting down because we are triggered it doesn’t make us bad. It makes us human.
The challenge I think we could all respond to is understanding what triggers us so we can self-control our responses. We could even go to the next stage and learn where they come from so, we can self-evolve.
Knowing what your triggers are and where they come from is how you become a Jedi. A feedback Jedi.
And if you were wondering what a compassionate, mature and clever response could be when you see yourself responding in a way that doesn’t serve you, or those around you. You could learn from the foundation of what’s happening in our country this week for ‘National Reconciliation Day’. And…just…say….sorry.