I’ve had a good excuse in the last couple weeks to be in angry. I’ve been grieving. I lost my Dad two weeks ago. He was sick and we knew he wasn’t going to get any better but he died suddenly and it was a massive shock. Once the shock subsided I started getting grumpy and then moved to downright angry.
I was angry at the guy at the local coffee shop I go to everyday. I always say ‘hi’, ask how he is and use his name and he still doesn’t know mine. How rude and such a poor display of customer service.
I was annoyed at a friend for not showing up when they said they would. How dare they not make me a 100% the priority.
I was pee’ed off at people calling too much and some not calling enough. They should know what I need right?!
I was grieving angry. I get that it’s part of the grief process. I teach this stuff. Yeah yeah the Kubler Ross model. Be careful – I’ll be irritated if you tell me that.
So I have an excuse to be angry. And angry is not wrong. It’s when I make it other people’s fault for things that there’s a problem. Meaning that my anger has turned into blame.
We need to understand the role blame plays in our life. When we blame, we shut our mind off to learning – about our self or others. Blame becomes an excuse to avoid seeing things clearly. I’m not suggesting here that everyone is without faults. We all play some role. What I mean is, if you learn to own your responses then you get to grow. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything people say and do.
Blame can become an indicator for you. That something is not quite right. In my case it was clear. But just cause I’m having a crap time doesn’t mean I need to transfer it on to someone else. Even though I did. Oops.
Blame is the discharge of truth.
If we want to start understanding ourselves, part of the journey is learning about how we connect and react to things around us. If we ignore this, we are just an island. An island cannot self- sustain long-term; it eventually needs other resources and the land to be tended for it to continue to survive. We need other people, who become our fuel, to live well too.
Now many of you may be saying; ‘Georgia, you just lost your Dad you can be as angry as you like’. And this is true. I get to choose how I do grief. I also get to choose how I am with others. But if I blame my grief it means I don’t have to take responsibility for how I treat others – it’s still blame.
I can be annoyed, disappointed and angry. They are my emotions. I own them. They make me flawsome. Full of flaws and ok with it. But saying it’s someone or something’s fault will keep me trapped. And stagnant. And I don’t want that.
Where in your world are you asking or expecting another person to change to make your world easier? Where are you blaming another or a circumstance? It’s worth looking into.