I rent the home I live in. I moved in with my boyfriend at the time nearly 5 years ago. I love it. It’s bayside Melbourne, a big open living area, lots of garden with veges and fruit, wood throughout and lots of natural light. A verandah to sit on, looking onto the gorgeous back yard with a 300 year old tree to ponder life. The previous owners built this with love. When my relationship broke up I decided to stay here and just cop the cost on my own. Coz I loved it so much and so did the kids.
Then Covid happened and all work in the calendar cancelled within 3 days. With nothing on the horizon I tried to negotiate the rent with the landlord. Yeah nah. They didn’t have much interest in that conversation. So it left me with a decision to make. To stay and watch the savings walk out of the bank or move. Yes I could have sat there without paying, as we had an eviction moratorium in Victoria for 6 months but I’d still likely have to pay it all back at some stage. Or I could move to a cheaper place.
I struggled in this space. I felt very alone. The thought of packing up my home, on my own, has always overwhelmed me. There’s the admin of change of addresses and organising facilities, the puttying up holes in walls, getting the massive garden ready (front and back), culling stuff so you don’t have to pack as much and finding a new place. You know the drill.
Yet little did I know that this would become an empowering space, full of learnings and silver linings. I’ve always been triggered by victims. Yeah I’m being honest. It’s where people believe that life and things happen to them and there’s nothing they can do. I had a weekend where I really felt sorry for myself. I knew I had to leave. I felt very alone and helpless. And I festered on a bit of hopelessness too.
Until the moment when a still quiet voice said to me; ‘What if, this isn’t happening to you, it’s happening for you?’. WTF!
This lens felt peaceful. So I played with it.
I wanted to become less attached to ‘stuff’. Moving house and culling is one way to deal with that. I could reduce my costs if I moved to a smaller place. A smaller garden and house would mean I have more time back. My friends could help me. (Asking for help has often been a challenge for me, as a false story I sometimes fall trap to is that I can be a burden).
You will likely be reading this as I moving house. I am moving in with Didy. When my Mum died 18 years ago and I was pregnant with Jacko she came to the rescue. She was one of my Mum’s besties. Long story short. She became Grandma to the kids and a second Mum to me. Talk about silver linings in an awful situation. And again, she is another of our silver linings. We are moving to her 4 bedroom home, two blocks from the beach. We all get to have our own room and live, temporarily, with someone we love – who loves us.
I can’t say that being a 48 year old single Mum and moving in to someone else’s home was part of my grand plan. But it would appear from the learnings that it was.
And how friggin blessed am I? To have my health, my gorgeous kids and a business that will slowly pick up. This I know to be true.
I love how Mark Nepo puts it:
‘Surrender is like a fish finding the current and going with it’.
What do you need to look at in your life right now? Something that is happening to you? And you need to make it happen for you. Move from victim to victor and surrender to it. It’s a freeing space and one we can all play in.