I’ve been doing some really profound ‘inner work’ in the past few months. I am a self-qualified ‘serial learner’ and also deeply committed to my own evolution. So I’ve been looking at my ‘shadow side’. The part of me that is not healthy, that doesn’t respond or react in love.
Carl Jung originally coined the phrase ‘shadow’ in his search to help people find their ‘whole self’. That includes the unconscious, or unknown, part of your personality that you don’t see or acknowledge – but is there. It may be positive but it’s largely not. We tend to hide from the parts of ourselves we are not proud of and protect ourselves from seeing them. We often keep it in a little box that might having a little bow wrapt around it called ‘shame’.
Well I want to open the box and see it all. And appreciate my shadow super powers and uncover and heal the darker shadow components. If it sounds like a quest… it has been. And a powerful one.
I was in a sesh with my coach last week where we continued to identify all my unhelpful and unhealthy responses when I am triggered. Being a ‘leader’ I have some pretty cool super powers that make me comfortable with making decisions, taking risks, sitting in the unknown. I didn’t realise the real strengths of this. That is one shadow. A positive one.
But the other side is that it leads to impatience and means I will not always consider the ideas of others. I can be short and at worst passive aggressive when things are not moving the way I need them to go. That is another shadow. A dark one.
So we sit down and identify all the moments where I am triggered. When people don’t get back to me, when they add information at the last hour, when someone bullies another or when people show victim like behaviours. Yep I’ve been building quite a list. But let’s face it. We all have them. We just don’t chose to own them or even see them. I’m done with that. I’m owning the lot. I’m not assassinating myself. Just being honest so I can move and grow.
And I came up with one solution that could solve it all. Instead of my passive aggressive reactions (which don’t serve anyone) I just need an email mouth. Do you remember or have ever used that golden button that could erase and recall that email that you shouldn’t have sent? You know the one that as soon as you press send, the pit of your stomach erupts? Well I want one of them for my mouth.
That way, when I don’t respond in a way that is respectful and honouring, I could just go back and ‘recall’ the moment. Boom.. it never happened! It’s a bit Dr Strange from the Avengers I know. And yes completely unrealistic but man it would be great if you could.
I wish. But I gotta tell you. Working through my specific triggers and the better response has been amazing. I am still working through why I feel I need to respond that way in the first place. I am going to be soooo evolved soon. You won’t recognise me. I better get a Dalai Lama outfit now. Ok… I’m getting ahead of myself. I’ll work on that 😉
When do you need an email mouth? Make a list and think about it before so you don’t need to do it in the first place. Own your triggers. They are yours. It’s very empowering.
We are working on a 21 day feedback challenge in the coming months; ‘What triggers you off?!’ We will let you know when it’s coming so you won’t need an email mouth.