I know a massive secret. Well it’s not a secret to most people but, from my experience, most people aren’t telling each other. It’s something that we face nearly every day yet talk about rarely.
It’s an issue that is holding us back from being better friends, better colleagues, better partners and better parents. It’s like a cancer that’s in our bones and we don’t know where to get treatment for it.
At the start of the year, I asked people to tell me what they wanted to hear about. Then many of you started telling me what was important to you. What you wanted to understand, to master, to work through. This subject was outstandingly the most common
request. Wanna know what it is?
How can I make peace with where I am at? How can I be good enough, find myself, be myself? How can I really know who I am.?
Now Wow! Thanks for this. So easy to give you the answer in one short blog. But, alas, I don’t have a short answer. Because this is your work to do. But I do have some things that I know have played a significant role in my life and that I’ve seen work in others. So I’ll share these.
At the highest level. Do the work!
Doing the work involves getting the right people and tools (not people who are tools) around you to help you learn, develop, work through your blockers, understand your personality (which is your super power) and your life experiences that have made you who you are and led you to believe what you believe. I am ALWAYS working with someone to help me become a better me. Whether it’s a Counsellor, Coach, Mentor or Shrink. They are all good.. well actually some are better than others so you might need to try a few to get the best fit. It’s important! Just decide what you need for where you are at.
From working with 1000’s of people across all levels, races, ages and locations these are some of the most common things that can get in the way of making peace with who we are and working on being better. It’s being FLAWSOME! Making peace with our flaws and being better because of them. It seems like a paradox but it’s not.
Going to a 5 day leadership program is good but they are rarely transformational. Doing the work on yourself with the right people around you… that’s a game changer! So, in my experience, working with people to help them grow and develop and get more
peaceful about who they are and where they are at. Here are some of the things that get in the way and books you can read that can help you. I know that I have been a part of the process for me finding my inner peace. Aside from my spiritual journey but that’s a whole other story 😉
1. Perfectionism: It’s not about being perfect. It’s the pursuit of perfection that is the challenge. When we need to make what we do and how we are perfect, it’s a message to yourself that you don’t think you’re good enough in the first place. Get your hot lil hands on Brene Brown’s ‘Gifts of Imperfection’ or my good friend Lynne Cazaly’s most recent book ‘Ish’.
2. People pleasing: When you’re only happy with yourself when you’re doing the right thing by everyone, or you need to rescue people from their stuff all the time, your making your life about others not focusing on you. You tend to ‘should all over yourself’ – should of, would of, could of. You’ll love Brene Brown’s ‘I thought it was just me’: Making the Journey from 'What will people think to 'I am enough' is pure gold!
3. Being an ‘Always Righty’: When you’re not arguing just explaining why you’re correct. When others need to change or ideas should be the ones you have then you’re a lil stuck. Immerse yourself in Mark Manson’s ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a
4. Black and white thinking: When you believe things are good or bad, right or wrong and don’t tend to entertain the grey, you might be missing a huge piece of the pie of life and understanding yourself. Dr Carol Dweck’s book ‘Mindset’ proves that winning or losing is not how we grow.
5. Ruminate all over yourself: If you get stuck in your thoughts, implode in your head and be your worst critique it’s exhausting and an awful merry go round that’s hard to jump off. To make things simple immerse yourself in ‘The Four Agreements’ by Don Miguel Ruiz or ‘Loving What Is’ by Byron Katie.
If you want to learn how to be happy, successful and liked; ‘Search Inside Yourself’ is the
story of the popular course that is run at Google. Brilliant!
There is no simple answer. You gotta….#do the work. Understand the value of your personality and how you were born, the impact of your heritage and experiences and then just do the best you’ve got in the day that you’re at.
Just like Marie Condo has taught us that cleaning out our homes we can find out joy… so to can we find pure joy cleaning out our stuff! And am I there? Do I completely value who I am and being enough? No! But I get stronger everyday.
Stay tuned for my new program to work on becoming more ‘Flawsome’ in 2019!