Jacko and I went for a bike ride over lockdown. So we wagged school. Well he didn’t have a class (online) but he was supposed to be doing work at that time. Pffft. Who made up those rules anyway?
We were flying along, down a small incline along Beach Road, and he said; “Mum, don’t use your hands”. I thought there is no way I can ride down the hill without my hands. I will lose control. There are bumps I need to navigate.
Then I thought, what a good metaphor this is for how many of us do life this way. How many of us hold on when we don’t need to? Instead of feeling free. We hold on in anticipation of something that isn’t even there.
It helped me see that I was holding on too tight to others things. And that this tight reign meant I was potentially damaging the outcome – not contributing. Like my daughter Holly. She wants to live life her way. And she’s getting older and is aware of the consequences of her decisions or indecisions. So why don’t I let her make them?
Or a decision in my business that someone in the team wants to make. They want to try something new. I am nervous that it could go wrong. It could also go right. And if I never hand over the reigns they will end up being order takers. I don’t want that and neither do they.
If we want people to grow we need to stop gripping so tightly. Yes they will make mistakes. Yes they will fall. But that’s their business. It’s their lessons to learn. Not ours to control. We often learn our strongest lessons when they hurt us the most. So maybe we are now standing in the way of others evolution. Now there’s a thought.
It’s our relationship with control that becomes the issue. Chris Hedler in his book ‘Useful Beliefs’ helps you look at the belief systems you have and what helps you and what hinders you in life. My belief system used to be that I needed to step in when my children or work colleagues were headed for a ‘fail’. Which is code for; ‘not my way’. Yes we can offer suggestions. But having expectations that they need to do things our way, will end up in frustration for all.
My new useful belief is that; ‘The Universe has our back’. If people need my advice they will ask. This is a new space so if you are in my world… I am learning 😉
Who or where are you holding too tight?
PS – I rode safely and tried it when no cars were around on the bike path. In case you wanted to report me to the local government 😉