We spend so much time focusing on those that are not doing well we can often fail to see those that are doing things right.
At the core of who we are, we are quite simple. We just want to be seen, to be noticed, to be loved. And one simple, fast and free way to do this is to see when people are doing things well and say it.
We need to see it and say it.
So why don’t we? We are wired with a negative bias which means it’s easier for us to see gaps rather than strengths. This is why when you have a choice to listen to a group of people who are talking about how excited they are for their weekend plans OR a group venting about a terrible boss they share, we will be drawn to the later. We are drawn to negatives.
Or when you are given 5 pieces of feedback and only one of them is negative, we focus and stew and ruminate on that one. So this means we have to rewire our radar to look for the good and not just the bad.
Think about it, if you are a child, or an employee, and you are always being told off or spoken to when you are doing ‘wrong’ how will you feel?
What about the moments where you use all your self-control not to interrupt, or you start managing your time better and you hand in that monthly report a half day before it is due or you even compliment a colleague that typically grates you? What if you tried your best and no one noticed it. Well they might of, but they didn’t let you know they did.
We need to see it, and say it.
And don’t disguise a difficult conversation with lots of lovelies. We confuse people then. They are not called shit sandwiches for no reason.
Your challenge, if you want people to feel seen and that they matter is to catch them doing something well. And say it. And watch their confidence and capability grow as a result.
Words are very powerful. Use them wisely and in love and watch your relationships in work and life soar.
Go on. I dare you!
PS: Want to talk about our ‘Working as One’ program? How to create high performance teams and workplaces (and give your team the tools I talked about in this blog). Just hit reply and say “lets chat” and we’ll reach out and set up a time to talk.