The problem with being nice

When we are nice we avoid conversations, people, and conflict. We prioritise our comfort over growth. We tell ourselves that being passive is the alternative to aggressive. But this is a short-term fix. When we feel anxious or stressed and we don’t learn to deal with it or talk it out, in a way that serves us and those around us – we are like a jack-in-the-box. 

Just like a jack-in-the-box when we are being wound up, about something in our world, we have two choices. To pop out of our box suddenly and explode on those around us. Whether it’s the actual person or save it for the family when we get home. Or to keep the lid on and implode on ourselves. Both are unhealthy, for you and those around you. Nice people implode. 

When we avoid things to keep the peace, we start a war within. 

So instead of; ‘If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all’ perhaps you could change it to; If you don’t have anything nice to say, explore what is going on for you and understand the emotions hidden underneath the surface. Avoid blaming yourself, or others, and explore what’s coming up.

This is where you gain your power back. I love Bob Anderson’s, the Founder of The Leadership Circle, perspective; 

                ‘If you can’t see it, it controls you.

                 If you see it, you control it’.

See where you might be falling into nice and switch it to being kind. Clear is kind. Communicate to others and to yourself about what’s really going on. This is where we start. With us.

Do you or the people you work with, avoid speaking up and play ‘nice’? Do you want to learn a better way?  Come along to my online session ‘The problem with nice cultures’ you can check it out here.