We’ve all heard the saying; ‘People won’t remember what you say but how you made them feel’ right?! So good. Yet how do we know how we make them feel? What’s the role we play in making the experience a safe one?
Last week I ran a session (one of my staples) on how we prepare for the more challenging conversations. We knew we needed facts (real life examples of what happened and when), we knew we could share our opinions and to be very careful that we didn’t weave any assumptions into our thinking and especially the conversations. Tick. The equally important factor is where we are coming from.
People hear your content and smell your intent.
We talk a lot about creating safety in conversations. The key to creating and maintaining this is NOT the other person and how they respond. It’s how YOU start and maintain. One way to check you are creating the conditions for this safety to exist is to ask yourself these three special questions:
- Am I leaning into candid and kind?
We need to be careful when we are being direct that it doesn’t comes across as blunt or aggressive. We also need to make sure we are not being so ‘kind’ that we avoid talking about what we need to. After all, Brene Brown in Dare to Lead shows us that ‘clear is kind’.
- Am I searching for the ‘real truth’?
Here is where you check with yourself. Are you more obsessed with making sure they understand where you are coming from (your truth), or where they are (their truth). The balance of the two is just right (real truth). Thanks Goldilocks 😉
- Will I treat them with respect?
When someone treats us poorly, responds emotionally or is just making things difficult in a conversation – it can trigger us. Then we can fall trap to treating them in a way that isn’t that cool. It’s YOU first. Continuing to check on how you are treating them maintains safety.
I literally ask myself these questions before I have the tough convos. It helps. Try it.
PS: Want to talk about our ‘Working as One’ program? How to create high performance teams and workplaces (and give your team the tools I talked about in this blog). Just type in the comments below and say “lets chat” and we’ll reach out and set up a time to talk. We also have a free online event this month about how to ’embed a feedback culture’ within your business. Click here to register now.