I’m reading Byron Katie’s book, Loving What Is, again. Geez it’s good. She reminds me that our negative reactions and stress can be put into three buckets; my business, your business and God’s business. Now stay with me even if you’re not spiritual.
She describes God’s business as the things outside our control. Floods, wars, other countries. Maybe even COVID rules.
Your (other people) business is when we mentally veer into other people’s world. Where we live in the land of the ‘should’ and you know what’s best for others. Your advice might sound like; You should have made X decision; You shouldn’t have said that; You should say yes. Why didn’t you do this?
I am so aware that when I have any level of disappointment in my relationships, when I go to the core of them, it will be about expectations that I put on them. That’s not my business. Sitting in other people’s business is like trying to drive the car when you are sitting in the passenger street. It never ends well right?!
To sit in other people’s business is a little bit arrogant. It’s saying that you know better than others. Even if you’re right (which you’re not), it creates mental stress and tension because others are not living the life you have decided is best for them. Aha. Boom right?!
Then there is your business. The things you can control. Your thoughts, your decisions, your happiness. The expectations you put on yourself.
When we live a life of expectations that we create for ourselves there is a tension that is created within. When we live in this tension we either implode on ourselves or explode on others. The stress has to go somewhere. This is the stuff we can work on. This is the thinking we have the choice to understand and reset.
One of the suggested ways to live a free life is to adopt what Don Miguel Ruiz wrote about in The Four Agreements. One of the agreements being; ‘Don’t Take It Personally’. When people behave a particular way, it has nothing to do with you. It’s the expectation that you created that’s the issue. Not their behaviour. If someone does not call me. It’s not personal. If someone says they are busy. It’s not personal. If someone has an opposing opinion to me. It’s not personal. The problem is when I make it personal.
Again, it’s a little arrogant to think that people do stuff with us in mind. I would suggest we are in others business because we wanted them to do something our way.
What if we started to notice when we are starting to steer for others. Just notice it. It’s a great start. The next will be to understand why we believe we are right.
