#1 in the ‘Not-so-secret to managing performance’ series

You know those moments when you’ve prepped for a performance conversation—mentally, emotionally—and then… you don’t have it?

You tell yourself, “Not today. I’ve got too much on.” Or, “It’s not urgent.” Or even, “They probably already know.”

But let’s be honest. It’s not a time issue. It’s not even about skill.

The real reason you’re putting it off?

It’s emotional labour.

Performance conversations aren’t just about giving feedback or checking progress. They carry weight. They come with uncertainty—Will this be taken well? Will I stuff it up?—and they tap into our fears about conflict, judgment, even our own credibility as a leader.

That’s what drains you. Not the 15 minutes in your calendar. The mental load before and after. And you’re not alone in that.

Harvard Business Review in July 2023 reported that one of the main reasons managers avoid feedback is emotional fatigue. Not time. Not competence. Just the sheer energy it takes to navigate discomfort—especially when you care about the person on the other side.

And the kicker? The longer you avoid it, the heavier it gets. You end up managing people in your head instead of in real life. Replaying conversations you didn’t have. Carrying frustration that no one else can see.

But there’s another way.

Build a rhythm—small, regular check-ins. Clear expectations. Feedback in little nudges instead of big “events.” And the emotional lift shrinks. You’re not gearing up for a major moment—you’re just continuing a conversation.

That’s the shift. From heavy to human.

If you’re feeling drained, maybe it’s not that you’re doing leadership wrong. Maybe you’re carrying more emotion than you realise—because the conversations that would ease the pressure haven’t happened yet.

Start small. Start soon. But start.
Your head—and your team—will thank you.

Ready to make performance conversations feel lighter and more natural? Join us for our FREE online event on ‘The not-so-secret to managing performance’ to learn how to take the pressure off—for you and your team. Event info and registration here.